When first remembering childhood abuse, many survivors mourn the loss of a “normal” past. Mainstream media sells us a vision of what our lives should be, and convinces us we are less-than if our lives are different. Even if we live in a home that embraces difference, we may feel shame when we venture outside…. Read More
Articles
All Done! Tools for Rapid Change
At her first appointment, Kyung1 describes unrelenting anxiety that interferes with eating, sleeping, working, and enjoying life. “I’m done! I’ve tried Rescue Remedy, meditation, therapy, and meds. I need it to stop now!” While I might be tempted to explain that most change is slow and gradual, the energy of “Done!” can herald big shifts…. Read More
Triggered! Now What?
A scent wafts by, or someone speaks certain words in a certain tone, or that time of year comes around again. Suddenly we are defiantly thirteen, or playfully four, or speechlessly afraid in situations where we would prefer to be competent adults. With awareness, we might be able to take back adult control, or we… Read More
Decipher the Silent Treatment
Three-year-old Malaika walks determinedly through the crowd. “Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?” One of her dads spots her and scoops her up with great relief. Safe in his arms, she wails her distress at losing sight of them. He holds her close until she calms and wriggles to be put down. She runs around happily, secure in… Read More
Stand in Your Story
Josie wants to cut off contact with a family friend. He sexually assaulted her long ago. Even though he has behaved courteously since then, she has never felt comfortable around him. She wrestles with how to tell her partner and son, preemptively arguing with expected objections. Her partner is usually supportive, but their 15-year old… Read More
Rest at Sleep’s Threshold
Disturbed sleep is a major symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Traumatized people struggle with the transitions into and out of sleep, as well as nightmares that can be traumatic in themselves. Lack of sleep further destabilizes the nervous system, making it harder to cope with and heal from other effects of trauma. Trying to… Read More
Legs Dance, Kick, Run
Our legs help us defend ourselves, move around, dance in celebration, and connect to the earth. They make up approximately 30% of our body mass, offering a large space to help us manage emotions. Survival responses Our whole body mobilizes in an emergency, including our legs. They might want to kick as part of a… Read More
Deflect the Tone Argument
Shantel examined the smartphone cases, debating which one to buy. A salesperson approached her. “Ma’am, I need to inspect your bag.” “That’s racist! You’re not inspecting white customers’ bags!” “They aren’t mouthing off! Leave the store or I’ll call security.” Tool for oppression The salesperson used the Tone Argument to shift attention from his racist… Read More
Arms Relate to the World
Our arms reach out to connect to the world and bend in to defend us from threats. We pull in what we want, and push away what we do not want, physically expressing our boundaries. If our efforts to relate to the world are repeatedly thwarted, we unconsciously inhibit impulses, limit movement, and dissociate from… Read More
Sense Your Spine’s Support
Support is an ongoing issue for trauma survivors. Lack of support makes an event more traumatic, and there is often inadequate support afterward as well. Trauma leads to dissociation, separating us from sensing internal and external physical support. Many of us think of our spine as the knobs we feel running up the back of… Read More