Self-confidence is not just about trusting our ability to accomplish tasks. When we lack self-confidence, we doubt that we deserve love, success, comfort, joy, happiness. At our core, we doubt that we deserve to exist. Kind attention When children receive kind, caring, responsive attention, it reinforces that they are intrinsically valuable and worthy of taking… Read More
Boundaries, Full Self
Balance for Your Inner Guardian
When I check in with a new client about how their body feels about being on the table, they often report that they feel tense, guarded, wary. Their body is still gathering information about whether this new environment is safe, and they are not yet ready to trust my good intentions. For some clients, it… Read More
Your Body Is Your Ally
It is painfully easy to blame our own bodies for trauma we endure. Perhaps if we had looked or acted differently, the trauma would not have happened. Afterwards, we want the body to just get over it instead of needing a long healing process. We disconnect from our bodies, and then feel surprised and betrayed… Read More
Embody Hunger, Embody Fullness
Trauma interrupts and confuses our relationship with our bodies. To connect more directly with our bodies just as they are right now, we can bring more awareness to eating, hunger, and fullness. Soothing or stressful eating Babies eat for comfort as well as nourishment. So do growing children and adults. Eating is a fundamental sensory… Read More
The Perils of Nice
Never take the last cookie. Avoid drama. Never tell people they are wrong. Wait for people to notice what you need. Smile at strangers. We have lots of rules about how to be nice, how to be liked. The details vary in each community, which can be surprising when you move to a new town…. Read More
Cherish Your Limits
Our limits are part of being an embodied human mammal. We need rest, food, drink, and comfort at regular intervals to stay in balance. We can ignore those needs for a while, but there is a mounting cost to our well-being the longer we set them aside. Paying attention to our limits, like our sensitivities,… Read More
Healthy Entitlement: Discern Your Domain
Each infant is born with a full-body knowing that they are entitled to nourishment, shelter, rest, and loving contact. Each baby vigorously pursues their wants with all the resources at their disposal, crying, reaching out, and turning away when they have had enough. Their caretaker’s task is to provide for those needs. Unless they have… Read More
Just-Right Visibility
“Mama, look at me!” Around the world, children demand to be seen, acknowledged, and celebrated as they express their authentic selves. Over time, they internalize their parents’ warm regard and become their own compassionate witnesses. They continue to reach out to external witnesses as well. Safety: looking inward and outward With healthy socialization, children learn… Read More
Say Yes to Your Boundaries
“Name the action, criticize it, and tell them what to do with it.” The WomanStrength instructor makes this three-step model sound easy. “Your hand is on my shoulder. I don’t like it. Take it off.” Her voice is calm, matter-of-fact. One by one we practice around the circle, receiving our neighbor’s hand on our shoulder… Read More
Inner Child Lost -n- Found
Adults and their inner children get separated surprisingly often, sometimes through trauma, and sometimes simply through society’s expectations of adults. The separation can cause intractable distress until the underlying problem is resolved. “I’ve tried everything!” “Don’t leave me!” “See me!” If you find yourself saying any of these phrases on a regular basis, visit the… Read More