• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Welcome
  • Signs of Trauma
  • People Say
  • Articles >
    • Articles by Topic
    • Articles by Date
  • Bookshop >
    • Bookshop
    • Embodying Hope
    • Presence After Trauma
    • Wellspring of Compassion
    • View Cart
  • About >
    • About Sonia Connolly, LMT
    • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
  • Nav Widget Area

Sundown Healing Arts

Intuitive, compassionate bodywork for trauma

Article Archives

  • 2022

    • March

      • Let Life Flow Forward
        Inhabit the moving present rather than the frozen past.
    • February

      • Restore Your Kind Attention
        Denial buys time to gather resources and absorb information more gradually.
    • January

      • Care for Hidden Ruptures
        Imagine if we collectively made it a high priority to help children and adults heal from attachment wounds.
  • 2021

    • December

      • Associate Yourself with Nature
        Contact with nature can steady your nervous system and counter a sense of isolation and unreality.
    • November

      • Talk About Abusers
        Most people are complex mixtures of good and bad intentions, benign and harmful behaviors.
    • October

      • Accessible for This Starfish
        When one person feels more welcome and safe, they can take more action and inspire others to action.
    • September

      • Within Reach of Your Comfort Zone
        When we have access to a secure home base, we can explore and take risks more freely.
    • August

      • Find Your Way to Rest
        Rest because it nourishes you and adds enjoyment to your life.
    • July

      • Nestle Into Uncertainty
        When we allow uncertainty and hold our assumptions more lightly, we make room for change and hope.
    • June

      • Inhabit Your Surface
        Experiment with working less hard for a while.
    • May

      • A Harvest of Understanding
        With kind eyes, look back at this pandemic year.
    • April

      • Respect Your Reservoir of Pain
        Most of us carry old pain from the twists and turns our lives have taken.
    • March

      • Embodying Hope: Introduction
        We embody hope when we keep moving forward, one stubborn step after another, like walking through steady rain.
    • February

      • Prefer Narratives with Hope, Updated
        Try a new narrative: “My perceptions and responses make sense. I am intrinsically good. I am doing my best with the resources and knowledge I have.”
    • January

      • Within Sight of Relief, Pause
        Acknowledge losses and longings, and give yourself time to rest and recover.
  • 2020

    • December

      • The “Good Person” Badge
        Thanks to each of you for working so hard to be a good person.
    • November

      • Kindness, Not Contempt
        In this time of isolation, simply acknowledging someone with kind eyes is a gift.
    • October

      • Anchor Terror in Time
        Terror moves us to act in the present, shows us where kind attention is needed to heal our past, and directs us to prepare for the future.
    • September

      • Rock the Boat About Racism
        White supremacy is a catastrophe for everyone. Gently gather your courage, step forward, and talk about racism.
    • August

      • Wear a Mask to Belong
        Protect the community you already belong with.
    • July

      • Lift the Anger Lid With Care
        Anger can fuel change toward more kindness, more truth, more respect, and more justice.
    • June

      • Adapt to New Risks
        Allow yourself to be a beginner at handling this pandemic.
    • May

      • Self-Care for Sticky Lungs
        With your hand as an anchor, your relaxed breathing provides movement to gradually stretch and release adhesions.
    • April

      • Agency in a Time of Pandemic
        Recognize the quiet heroism of staying home.
    • March

      • Loosen Inner Deadlock
        Inclusive solutions emerge from listening deeply to all our needs and fears.
    • February

      • Mend What You Can Reach
        When we take small actions within our reach, we build sustainability, community, and hope.
    • January

      • Let Go for More Sound
        As we restore our ease of movement, we restore our ability to be our complete selves out loud.
  • 2019

    • December

      • In Search of Self-Confidence
        Treat yourself as if you deserve to exist.
    • November

      • Get to Know Your Guts
        Reconnect with your belly through kind touch and specific knowledge about the organs inside.
    • October

      • Solid Support for Change
        When we have more inner and outer resources, it is easier to take risks and try something new.
    • September

      • The Push/Pull of Touch
        When the need for touch has been met well enough, with kindness and safety, we accept the ongoing need as naturally as we accept the need to breathe.
    • August

      • Good Enough for Mistakes
        We can use our skills and resources to recover from mistakes and integrate them into the flow of life.
    • July

      • Consider Additional Truths
        The more we sense into our present environment and the people around us with caring, the less we impose our world view on others.
    • June

      • Celebrate Small Steps
        Each of us can take time to soak up relief, hope, and ease when they arise.
    • May

      • Intervene for a Better World
        As the nervous system heals over time, our window of tolerance widens for minor infractions, and we can intervene more calmly and skillfully for larger issues.
    • April

      • Careful Conflict
        Learning to manage conflict with care is a lifetime project for each of us.
    • March

      • Support a Friend in Crisis
        "I'm here to listen."
    • February

      • Make Room for Grief
        Grief is as individual and as universal as a fingerprint.
    • January

      • How to Leave Your Practitioner
        "Can we talk about what completing treatment and stopping would look like?"
  • 2018

    • December

      • Elements of Refuge
        Healing practitioners can provide a calm refuge for overwhelmed survivors by offering a stable container around logistics, emotions, and the relationship.
    • November

      • When Help Means Rescue
        Helpers remove obstacles and add nourishment and support. They help us become more ourselves, rather than transforming us into someone else.
    • October

      • When Help Means Danger
        When the first people to care for us also hurt us, of course it will be difficult to manage relationships with practitioners.
    • September

      • Grow Away from Enmeshment
        As you repair your boundaries and sense of self, rather than feeling woven together with someone else, you will gradually feel more solid in yourself.
    • August

      • The Right Distance from Family
        Whether we connect with our parents every day, once a year, or not at all, we can reduce the internal charge we carry toward them.
    • July

      • Balance for Your Inner Guardian
        As your Inner Guardian becomes more integrated into the present, you can offer a more balanced, skillful response to present-time threats.
    • June

      • Resonate With Loneliness
        Every time we turn toward our own experience with warmth, we strengthen our Inner Nurturer.
    • May

      • Practice Kind Language
        When we practice non-ableist language, it gives us more room to be imperfect humans, internally and externally.
    • April

      • Offer a Collaborative Story
        When we invite people to be on the same side with collaborative stories, we open the door to more connection in our lives.
    • March

      • Depression: Natural Response to Trauma
        You are not broken. Your responses make sense. As you find ways to sit with inner terror and misery and loneliness for as long as they are there, they will gradually shift and make room for new feelings.
    • February

      • Your Body Is Your Ally
        When you tend to your body with generous care, you practice feeling better and receiving kindness right now.
    • January

      • Embody Hunger, Embody Fullness
        To connect more directly with our bodies just as they are right now, we can bring more awareness to eating, hunger, and fullness.
  • 2017

    • December

      • Add Ease to Anniversaries
        When we can be a kind witness for our hurting selves, we can disentangle painful feelings from the time of year that brings them up.
    • November

      • How to Resist Enough
        Resisting oppression can be affirmative, creative, connected, nourishing.
    • October

      • The Perils of Nice
        When we do not constrain ourselves to be nice, we can step into the power of showing up as our authentic selves kindly and creatively.
    • September

      • Sit with Disappointment
        When we can sit with disappointment, we find our own balance between acceptance and efforts toward change.
    • August

      • Look into the Present
        As we look at the world with more relaxation and clarity, we see more of the beauty and safety available to us.
    • July

      • Seek Nourishing Feedback
        We thrive on positive feedback, with the occasional bit of corrective negative feedback thrown in.
    • June

      • Find Calm: Practice Rest and Regulation
        Even if we missed out on learning how to be calm as babies, it is not too late for our nervous systems to learn about rest and regulation as adults.
    • May

      • Find Calm: A Polyvagal Primer
        Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory explains our nervous system and helps us make sense of our behavior.
    • April

      • Relieve Pressure: Replace Should with Could
        "Should" makes us look over our shoulder to see if we are good enough yet. "Could" invites us to look inside instead.
    • March

      • Cherish Your Limits
        Paying attention to our limits helps us compassionately care for ourselves.
    • February

      • Healthy Entitlement: Discern Your Domain
        We are entitled to complete autonomy over the insides and surfaces of our bodies.
    • January

      • Counter the Feelings Police
        Emotions are meant to move. Giving them more space allows them to flow and change, peak and ebb.
  • 2016

    • December

      • Withstand Ongoing Trauma
        As you move through difficult, triggering events in the present, bring along all the healing tools you have learned over time.
    • November

      • Presence After Trauma: Introduction
        Becoming present is an ongoing exploration of willingness to accept what is, and willingness to allow it to change.
    • October

      • Protect Your Irritated Nervous System
        When the nervous system is chronically irritated, it transmits sensations more strongly and is more likely to interpret strong sensations as pain.
    • September

      • Prefer Narratives with Hope
        Try a new narrative: “My perceptions and responses make sense. I am intrinsically good. I am doing my best with the resources and knowledge I have.”
    • August

      • Trust Yourself Despite Everyday Gaslighting
        Imagine a kind friend saying, "I believe you. It’s not you. You’re doing all the right things."
    • July

      • When I Started
        I stand with fellow victims and survivors and tell you that you do not need fixing.
    • June

      • The Puzzle Box of Shame
        Shame heals in many small steps.
    • May

      • Heal Around the Edges
        Trauma heals at the borders between comfortable and uncomfortable.
    • April

      • The Betrayal of Not Being Heard
        We all deserve to have our distress heard and heeded.
    • March

      • Not Alone with Your ACEs
        A large majority of people have had Adverse Childhood Experiences, which directly affect our health.
    • February

      • Worthy of Protection
        We all deserve protection for our needy, vulnerable places as well as recognition of our strengths.
    • January

      • Weave Your Body Whole
        Kabbalah helps us weave the bits of ourselves back together.
  • 2015

    • December

      • The Sacred Work of Showing Up
        Emotional labor is the detail work of caring, of noticing, of paying attention.
    • November

      • Patience with Long Endings
        When we sit patiently with uncertainty, we make room for a new pattern to emerge.
    • October

      • Humans Allowed Full Body
        Claim your inner terrain for yourself - it is your birthright.
    • September

      • Take a Break from Healing
        You do not have to be perfect to be treated with respect.
    • August

      • Name Memories Without Words
        Flashbacks to preverbal memories are intense, all-consuming, boundaryless.
    • July

      • The Heartbreak of “Why?”
        Other people's cruelty is not our fault.
    • June

      • Serenity Through Your Locus of Control
        One of the central tasks of healing is to reassign fault and power.
    • May

      • Integration: Live into Both/And
        There is deep healing when we invite a younger part closer and say, "You matter. Your experience matters. Your truth matters."
    • April

      • Check In With Your Chakras
        The chakra system helps us focus on one kind of healing at a time, and notice what is going well in addition to what is difficult.
    • March

      • Choose an Easier Road
        The first step toward an easier road might be permission to make choices that lessen pain.
    • February

      • Enjoy Enthusiastic Consent
        Consent is an unforced moment-to-moment agreement to participate in a specific activity.
    • January

      • Explore Uncurled Posture
        The sensation might be, "Oh, I didn't realize I was holding there!" as a shoulder drops, or "I have more room than I thought," as a hip moves back.
  • 2014

    • December

      • The Tyranny of Normal
        Each body is normal in relation to itself, despite the myths we persist in believing against all evidence.
    • November

      • All Done! Tools for Rapid Change
        When we allow all our conflicting feelings to be present, drop what isn't ours, and imagine the problem is already solved, we can emerge into new terrain.
    • October

      • Triggered! Now What?
        Suddenly we are defiantly thirteen, or playfully four, or speechlessly afraid when we would prefer to be competent adults.
    • September

      • Decipher the Silent Treatment
        In the face of non-response, we can choose to inquire, wait, or write off the interaction.
    • August

      • Stand in Your Story
        It is healthy to value your own viewpoint, no matter how personal and emotional.
    • July

      • Rest at Sleep’s Threshold
        Whether you sleep or not, night can be a time for rest, contemplation, and listening inside.
    • June

      • Legs Dance, Kick, Run
        Our legs are on our sides, like our arms, and start above the hip crease.
    • May

      • Deflect the Tone Argument
        There is no tone calm enough to express uncomfortable truths to someone with the power to refuse to hear.
    • April

      • Arms Relate to the World
        Our arms are structured to fluidly express our physical boundaries.
    • March

      • Sense Your Spine’s Support
        When we trust our structure, our whole body relaxes, expands, and breathes more easily.
    • February

      • Exit Emergency Mode
        What if this problem is already solved?
    • January

      • Unhook from Projection
        When we stop fighting our shadows, we see ourselves and the rest of the world.
  • 2013

    • December

      • Let Your Jaw Speak
        Physical movement in your avenue of expression creates sound. Immobility is silent.
    • November

      • Relax For Your Life
        Relaxation is surrender, not to someone else, but to your present truth.
    • October

      • Listen to Defensiveness
        When we acknowledge defensiveness, we can open into curiosity and maintain connections with people around us.
    • September

      • Interrupt Bullying
        Change in a victim cannot fix a perpetrator's problem. We all have vulnerabilities, and we deserve to be treated with kindness around them.
    • August

      • Truth Across Lines of Authority
        We live in a web of privilege and marginalization that affects how we express boundaries.
    • July

      • Effects of Sexual Assault
        Survivors face denial, hostility, and pressure to consider themselves less important than the perpetrator.
    • June

      • Achieve Approval
        This person, this being, is filled with radiant love, approval, and pleasure at your very existence.
    • May

      • Sensitivity Survival Tips
        Sensitivities challenge us to assert our body's needs rather than go along with the crowd.
    • April

      • The Power of Gentle
        We instinctively approach a frightened animal with slow, gentle movements and a soft voice. Traumatized humans need the same gentle approach.
    • March

      • Reasons to Stay
        If you know someone in an abusive situation, express your trust in their essential strength and capacity to find their way.
    • February

      • Loving Anger
        Listen inside, explore options, and take self-protective action with empathy for others.
    • January

      • Navigate Change: Mind the Gap
        When we move mindfully through small and large gaps, we create space in our lives for healing.
  • 2012

    • December

      • Heritage of Resilience
        Resilience repeats across generations as survivors teach their strengths through stories and behavior.
    • November

      • Surrender Without Shame
        Your painfully remembered surrender was a successful strategy to survive into this present moment.
    • October

      • How to Irritate Your Nervous System
        Seeking irritation might be easier and more informative than seeking calm.
    • September

      • Discover Your Core Commitments
        What do you reach toward no matter how many obstacles stand in your way?
    • August

      • Stuck in a Labyrinth
        Sometimes there is no direct path to a goal, and turning away can help you move forward in unexpected ways.
    • July

      • Change the Rules, Inhabit Your Pelvis
        Bring awareness to the bony structure of your pelvis.
    • June

      • Repair Your Reality After Gaslighting
        Gaslighting teaches you to doubt your perceptions of reality. To repair your self-trust, tune in to your internal signals with interested curiosity.
    • May

      • Permission to Stop Beating Yourself Up
        Here is your Official Permission to believe you are good enough for self-compassion right now.
    • April

      • Connect with Your Complex Voice
        Humming can heal the isolation of trauma.
    • March

      • Safety in Your Bones
        Safety is an internal experience, a skill to be learned and a choice to be made.
    • February

      • Apologies: Good, Bad, and Abusive
        Carefully crafted apologies can open the door to healing, or, with different intent, open the door to continued abuse.
    • January

      • Decision-Free Zone
        Listen for what is true for you with a clear boundary that action is off the table.
  • 2011

    • December

      • First-Aid for Desperate Moments
        These phrases provide first-aid assistance when you need to feel better right now.
    • November

      • Allow Self-Forgiveness
        Self-forgiveness is giving up all hope of being a different person.
    • October

      • Spiritual Abuse: Take Back Your Faith
        To heal from spiritual abuse, look inside for what you know for sure.
    • September

      • Addiction as Emotion Management
        As you learn new techniques to manage your emotions, you will no longer need to avoid emotional and physical pain through addiction.
    • August

      • Frozen! Thaw from Surrender
        When you give yourself full permission to feel helpless and frozen, it paradoxically creates space for healing and effective action.
    • July

      • Many Voices, All Valid
        Greet all parts of yourself with compassion to feel the validation you seek.
    • June

      • Create: Walk into Fog
        When you create, you are making your way across an unknown foggy landscape one decision at a time.
    • May

      • Deepen Your Roots, Stretch Your Branches
        Grow into a shape defined by your history and desires, like a tree becoming more intricately itself every year.
    • April

      • “Trust Me!” and Other Red Flags
        When you pay attention to red flags, you claim your power to choose, help your self-trust heal, and make room in your life for people who treat you with respect.
    • March

      • Step Away from Double Binds
        How to identify and respond effectively to contradictory demands.
    • February

      • Remember at Your Own Pace
        Trauma is overwhelming, but healing doesn't have to be.
    • January

      • 100 Percent On Your Own Side
        Your Inner Nurturer knows you're doing it right.
  • 2010

    • December

      • Demand Respect, Not Victim-Blaming
        You are already enough. No one deserves abuse for any reason.
    • November

      • Claim Your Space, Breathe into Your Back
        Shallow chest breathing takes up as little space as possible. Deeper belly breathing pushes out into the world. Back breathing claims the space that is already yours.
    • October

      • Just-Right Visibility
        Explore your skills at both hiding and shining.
    • September

      • Anxiety: Your Relaxation Coach
        Interrupt anxiety with acceptance and understand its role in your body.
    • August

      • The Joy of Maintenance
        Enjoy maintenance tasks as affirmations of presence.
    • July

      • Not Again! Tame Your Fiercest Patterns
        When your recurring pattern has you in its claws, hold still and move in.
    • June

      • Say Yes to Your Boundaries
        Boundaries are already part of us, a flexible container for our sensations, emotions, and preferences, separating "me" from "not-me".
    • May

      • Befriend Your Pain
        To reduce suffering, relate to pain as a friend bearing a message rather than an enemy to be feared.
    • April

      • A Boundary-Nourishing Healer Search
        Finding providers of caring touch and coming to trust them can be a journey in itself.
      • Meditation: Safe Space for Noticing
        Meditation is simpler and more welcoming than you might think.
    • March

      • Needs Amnesty Day
        Tired of figuring out which needs are allowed? Declare a Needs Amnesty Day and welcome them all.
    • February

      • Flashbacks: Experience Distress in Safety
        Flashbacks help you integrate traumatic memories. Learn how to recognize and respond to them as part of your healing.
    • January

      • Inner Child Lost -n- Found
        If you often find yourself saying "I've tried everything!" or "Don't leave me!" or "See me!", visit the Inner Child Lost -n- Found for relief.
  • 2009

    • December

      • Compassion for the Drama Triangle
        The Drama Triangle model, applied with compassion, can help you change recurring conflicts.
    • November

      • Grieve Neglectful Mothering
        Many clients have brought in their pain over neglectful or abusive mothering. May you have many reparative experiences!
    • October

      • Haunted by Shame? Change Your Committee!
        Imagine living your life with a fully supportive, encouraging, and approving internal committee.
    • September

      • Invite Your Longing to Tea
        What can you learn from sitting with longing rather than immediately fulfilling or suppressing it?
    • August

      • Who Owns That Anger?
        While anger can do damage when held in or unleashed on another, it can also lead to clarity and strength when handled with care.
    • July

      • Gain Awareness of Dissociation
        We all dissociate or lose contact with our bodies at times. How to notice and what to do about it.
    • June

      • Sensitivities: Your Self-Care Guide
        Sensitivities can be a valuable guide for moving toward your ideal environment.
    • May

      • Behind the Curtain of Obsessive Thoughts
        How to quiet those painful repeating trains of thought and see what is behind them.
    • April

      • Tell a Story about Denial
        The positive aspects of denial, and a writing exercise to reduce some of its frustrations.
    • March

      • Ups and Downs of Healing from Trauma
        What to expect during the process of healing from trauma and some tips to get through the hard parts.
    • February

      • Accept Suicidal Feelings
        Links between trauma and suicidal feelings and some practical suggestions for yourself or someone who confides in you.
    • January

      • Disclose Pain, Find Support
        Describe the support you want, and increase the odds of receiving it.
  • 2008

    • December

      • Calm Your Inner Critic
        You may have already noticed that arguing with your Inner Critic only leads to louder criticism, possibly about how self-critical you are.
    • November

      • Choose Your Traditions
        Notice your expectations and desires around the winter holidays.
    • October

      • The Gift of Resistance
        Resistance carries the gift of information from our deeper selves.
    • September

      • Emotional Abuse: You Deserve Better
        Emotional abuse can be as obvious as name-calling and raging, or it can be so subtle you spend days wondering why you feel so bad.
  • 2007

    • July

      • Add Peace to Your Life
        How to make peace a priority now, in the midst of struggle.
    • May

      • Kuan Yin, Goddess of Compassion
        My healing practice is dedicated to Kuan Yin. All those who have suffered trauma need compassion both from within and from others.

Primary Sidebar

Buy My Books

Cart is empty.
Visit The Shop

Closed

This practice is closed. Thank you to all the clients who have come in over the years. I appreciate your courage and trust. Click here for practitioner referral list. I am returning to my previous career of computer programming, and my previous home of Oakland, CA.

Quick Links

  • Bookshop
  • Signs of Trauma
  • Testimonials
  • Healing Resources

Latest Articles

  • Let Life Flow Forward
  • Restore Your Kind Attention
  • Care for Hidden Ruptures

Popular Articles

  • Step Away from Double Binds
  • The Betrayal of Not Being Heard
  • Grow Away from Enmeshment

Trauma Healing Topics

  • Acceptance (9)
  • Body (18)
  • Boundaries, Full Self (16)
  • Emotions (7)
  • Find Support (14)
  • Hard Times, Abuse (26)
  • Healing Tools (15)
  • Relating (16)
  • Self-Trust (12)
  • Survival Tools (6)
  • Trauma Effects, PTSD (14)
  • Wider Narratives (13)

Archives

  • Articles by Topic
  • Articles by Date

What I’m reading

Curious, Healing book review blog

Footer

People Say

KL Raymond

Wellspring of Compassion is another very well written book about sensitive people. It now has a permanent place in my personal library. Continue Reading (click twice)

Read More Testimonials

You are welcome

Sundown Healing Arts is size-friendly, diversity-friendly, queer-friendly, and trans-friendly. Persons of any body size, skin color, sexual orientation, and gender are welcome. Black Lives Matter.

  • Welcome
  • Articles
  • Resources
  • About
  • Contact

Copyright © 2005-2023 Sonia Connolly, LMT #12475