Whether we’re struggling with our bodies, our relationships, our addictions, or some other intractable problem, many of us find our thoughts covering the same painful ground again and again. We’re not gaining new insights, and we can’t seem to stop the cycle. The thoughts themselves become a topic of worry and self-judgment. Peeking behind the… Read More
Articles
Tell a Story about Denial
Denial, the refusal to acknowledge a painful fact, thought, or feeling, has a bad reputation these days. Being “in denial” is thought to be contrary, regressive, and the opposite of healing. We are urged to confront the truth, lose our illusions, and stop running away, all in the name of getting healthier. Denial is protective… Read More
Ups and Downs of Healing from Trauma
Many of us imagine that healing from the emotional effects of trauma is like healing from a physical wound. Each day, a healing wound is a little smaller and less tender, until it disappears. If a physical wound grows bigger or more tender at some point during the process, it is considered a setback, and… Read More
Accept Suicidal Feelings
One of the effects of surviving trauma can be suicidal thoughts and feelings. It can be hard to speak about them, because people often respond with judgments and panic, even if there is no plan to carry out any suicidal actions. This article explores some of the many reasons for suicidal thoughts and feelings, offers… Read More
Disclose Pain, Find Support
After a traumatic event, many survivors experience the secondary trauma of isolation and lack of support. Overwhelming trauma is difficult to express, and the effects last longer than most people expect. Survivors may need to tell their story over and over, or they may not want to discuss it at all, and yet long for… Read More
Calm Your Inner Critic
Have you noticed an ongoing commentary in the back of your mind that points out every mistake, omission, and fault you’ve made or might make? Most of us have it, commonly labeled the Inner Critic. You may have already noticed that arguing with your Inner Critic only leads to louder criticism, possibly about how self-critical… Read More
Choose Your Traditions
The winter holidays can be a difficult time for trauma survivors, whether the trauma was a divorce, car accident, or childhood abuse. In the US, on top of the stresses of winter weather, short days, and taking time for holiday preparations, there is an added pressure and expectation to be happy. “Merry Christmas!” everyone says,… Read More
The Gift of Resistance
Resistance is often seen as a problem, or even a character flaw. Instead, it can be seen as a gift of information from our deeper selves. Changing the focus At the beginning of a session, a client courageously announced, “I didn’t want to come today.” When I invited him to explore his feeling further, he… Read More
Emotional Abuse: You Deserve Better
Emotional abuse can be as obvious as name-calling and raging, or it can be so subtle you spend days wondering why you feel so bad. It can happen between intimate partners, parent and child, teacher and student, boss and employee, siblings, co-workers, friends, strangers, any time people are interacting. Usually, but not always, the person… Read More
Add Peace to Your Life
I used to think that my life would become peaceful after I resolved every issue I was facing and achieved every success I desired. After a while, I noticed that new issues and goals kept arriving without pause, and I needed to make peace a priority now, in the midst of struggle. It has improved… Read More