The hardware store is out of the item we need. A friend did not show up when they said they would. The job went to someone else. The election went to the other candidate. Disappointments come in all shapes and sizes. How we handle them depends on our expectations, our inner resources and resilience at… Read More
Articles
Look into the Present
Trauma leads to chronic muscle tension as the body works to manage internal nervous system disruptions as well as external life disruptions. Our eyes are affected directly by muscle tension and indirectly by incomplete trauma responses. Light enters the eye through the pupil and is focused by the lens onto the retina in the back… Read More
Seek Nourishing Feedback
You want someone to take a look at an important letter before you send it out. Your kid left their shoes in the middle of the floor, again. Your boss makes little disparaging remarks about your Black coworker that she doesn’t make about others. We give and receive feedback constantly as we navigate our complex… Read More
Find Calm: Practice Rest and Regulation
Find Calm: A Polyvagal Primer describes the structure of our nervous system according to Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory. This article follows up with practical tools to help the nervous system regulate itself and find rest as it heals from developmental trauma. Our early experiences help our bodies learn about safety, rest, and regulation. When a… Read More
Find Calm: A Polyvagal Primer
Physical calm can be frustratingly elusive after trauma. We receive messages that we “should” be over it, “just calm down,” or suggestions to try yoga or meditation. When we’re already doing our best to calm an irritated nervous system, it can help to understand the underlying physical mechanisms in our bodies. Stephen Porges has done… Read More
Relieve Pressure: Replace Should with Could
When we simultaneously feel that we “should” get a lot of paying work done and “should” do self-care and “should” maintain a clean home and “should” make the world a better place, we feel shame that we are failing in so many ways. We can reframe our thoughts by replacing “should” with “could.” “Should” makes… Read More
Cherish Your Limits
Our limits are part of being an embodied human mammal. We need rest, food, drink, and comfort at regular intervals to stay in balance. We can ignore those needs for a while, but there is a mounting cost to our well-being the longer we set them aside. Paying attention to our limits, like our sensitivities,… Read More
Healthy Entitlement: Discern Your Domain
Each infant is born with a full-body knowing that they are entitled to nourishment, shelter, rest, and loving contact. Each baby vigorously pursues their wants with all the resources at their disposal, crying, reaching out, and turning away when they have had enough. Their caretaker’s task is to provide for those needs. Unless they have… Read More
Counter the Feelings Police
When my friend tells me about her cancer diagnosis, I immediately ask what I can do to help. I know about Susan Silk’s ring theory for crises. You draw a bunch of concentric circles with the person in crisis at the center, people closest to them in the next ring, and less close people in… Read More
Withstand Ongoing Trauma
After trauma is over, “It ended!” is a powerful healing tool to convince the body that the emergency is over. What happens when the trauma, or similar threats, are ongoing? Fearing a boss or leader who resembles the unpredictable, vindictive, bullying, sexually abusive head of household from childhood. Grieving the latest person pulled over and… Read More