Thanks to each of you for pausing for a moment, putting down your struggle, taking a breath, and hearing that you are okay just as you are right now. Thanks to each of you who leaves behind the numbing blanket of denial to explore your individual history of abuse and trauma. Thank you for stepping… Read More
Articles
Kindness, Not Contempt
Contempt is regarding something or someone as inferior, vile, or worthless. Reserve this potent weapon for extreme cases of causing harm for selfish ends. Contempt hurts Whether hidden or overt, contempt hurts. We are social beings who care about the approval of people around us. Contempt from anyone erodes our sense of worthiness. Contempt from… Read More
Anchor Terror in Time
Terror is part of the body’s basic survival mechanisms. It says, “I sense something that threatens my life, and I want to live!” As unpleasant as it feels, terror is not an enemy in itself. It is a blaring alarm. There are so many reasons to feel terror these days. World-wide pandemic. Wildfires. Police murdering… Read More
Rock the Boat About Racism
This article discusses racism and white supremacy as seen in the US, and is applicable in the rest of the white-dominated world as well. Notice your inner responses as you read. Do you feel numb and bored? Do you feel angry and defensive? Do you feel relief because someone is naming your experience? When you… Read More
Wear a Mask to Belong
Many survivors of childhood abuse and neglect have an ongoing ache to belong, an unassuaged longing for the warmth of secure attachment. We develop strategies both to hide our vulnerable hearts and to reach out for connection. We hide our core self to be acceptable and we expose our rawness to be visible. Belong right… Read More
Lift the Anger Lid With Care
When you get angry, does an internal lid clamp down, perhaps before you even notice you are angry? Or does your anger spill out in a way that feels overwhelming, making you wish for a lid? You may have absorbed beliefs early on that your anger was bad, or that anger is always abusive, or that… Read More
Adapt to New Risks
How do you relate to risks? Do you think of yourself as risk averse, risk tolerant, risk seeking, or some mixture? Is your approach different for physical, emotional, and financial risks? Risk tolerance is affected by current resources. Can you recover from a bad outcome, physically, emotionally, and/or financially? Do you have friends who cheer… Read More
Self-Care for Sticky Lungs
Healthy breathing is a relaxed symphony of movement. On inhalation, the diaphragm widens and flattens. Each rib traces an arc up and out. The spine gathers to support the ribs. The lungs, anchored at the top near the collarbones, slide down easily along the chest walls to fill the increased space, pulling in a fresh breath. On… Read More
Agency in a Time of Pandemic
We are individually and collectively navigating a bumpy transition from “life as usual” to “life in a worldwide pandemic.” We are adapting to disorienting change as well as managing our emotional responses to this crisis. As the pandemic moves toward us disarmingly slowly and then shockingly fast in its exponential growth pattern, we each make… Read More
Loosen Inner Deadlock
As we navigate life’s choices, we usually reach a decision by a combination of checking inside ourselves, researching options, asking others for advice, and flipping a coin. Sometimes none of that works and we find ourselves deadlocked, unable to settle on a resolution. An inner deadlock can be an intense battle, with constant internal arguments,… Read More