In the movie Gaslight, Gregory sets out to convince his wife Paula that she is insane. He secretly removes items from their home and tells her she did it. He isolates her from others. He uses her growing distress to “prove” she is unstable. When she notices the gas lights in their home dim and… Read More
Articles
Permission to Stop Beating Yourself Up
Take a moment to notice your current experience. How do you feel? What thoughts are running through your mind? What sensations does your body report? Many of us jump directly to evaluation and problem-solving in response to our current experience. We may not be aware of other options, or we may believe constant self-improvement is… Read More
Connect with Your Complex Voice
Too many of us believe we can’t sing, or can’t sing well enough, or at least need to improve our voices in some way. Whether singing or speaking, we manipulate our voices to sound softer, stronger, clearer, calmer, or otherwise more “socially acceptable” than our unimpeded voices. In addition to controlling how we sound, we… Read More
Safety in Your Bones
You are deep in conversation when someone unexpectedly taps your shoulder from behind. What do you do? Turn calmly to see who it is Duck away from the touch Turn sharply and grab the hand That would never happen because you always have your back to a wall Someone who feels safe and relaxed is… Read More
Apologies: Good, Bad, and Abusive
Carefully crafted apologies can open the door to healing, or, with different intent, open the door to continued abuse. Their power comes from phrasing, nonverbal signals, and the surrounding context of the interaction. We’re all learning Few of us learned about good apologies growing up. Instead of modeling genuine apology, many parents force children to… Read More
Decision-Free Zone
Do you have a decision you’re weighing or a dilemma that’s causing you stress? A Decision-Free Zone is a safe time and space to listen to all of yourself, with a clear boundary that action is off the table. You can write in a journal, talk with a friend, or explore in a healing session…. Read More
First-Aid for Desperate Moments
Your healing goals probably include feeling better more often and knowing what to do when you feel terrible. You may already have a handy list of friends, family, or professionals to call in a crisis and another list of music to play and soothing actions to take. Sometimes you are on your own, or have… Read More
Allow Self-Forgiveness
Self-forgiveness is entwined with sticky topics for survivors of abuse and trauma: forgiving others, acceptance, faith, and trust. To allow self-forgiveness, we gently question our layers of reflexive self-judgment. One more task Too often, people recommend forgiving others to sidestep appropriate rage and protect abusers from natural consequences of their behavior. “He’s being nice now,”… Read More
Spiritual Abuse: Take Back Your Faith
Most trauma has spiritual implications. “Why was I hurt?” “Why wasn’t I protected?” “Do I deserve to have bad things happen?” It is agonizing to believe that Spirit (God, Goddess, Allah, Elohim, the Grandmothers, the Universe, your Higher Power, your Deep Self, etc.) endorses the pain you endure. Survivors of spiritual abuse contend with a… Read More
Addiction as Emotion Management
“[T]he realities of poverty, class, racism, social isolation, past trauma, sex-based discrimination and other social inequalities affect both people’s vulnerability to and capacity for effectively dealing with drug-related harm.” (emphasis added) — Principles of Harm Reduction Addiction is defined as physical and/or psychological dependence on a substance or behavior. Physical dependence leads to tolerance, where more of a substance… Read More