“Mama, look at me!” Around the world, children demand to be seen, acknowledged, and celebrated as they express their authentic selves. Over time, they internalize their parents’ warm regard and become their own compassionate witnesses. They continue to reach out to external witnesses as well. Safety: looking inward and outward With healthy socialization, children learn… Read More
Articles
Anxiety: Your Relaxation Coach
Braced shoulders, worried thoughts, shallow breathing. Leila notices her signs of anxiety and pauses to acknowledge them. Her quiet attention interrupts the rising anxiety and allows her body to relax instead. Chronic anxiety can arise from a variety of causes: Physical sensitivities Neurochemical imbalances Current stressors or danger Picking up other people’s unacknowledged anxiety An… Read More
The Joy of Maintenance
The day my controlling girlfriend moved out, I grabbed a broom and swept the wood floor with increasing relief and joy. She had subtly taken over my house by taking over the housework “as a favor.” On that day, my view of maintenance tasks permanently changed from annoying interruptions to affirmations of presence. As I… Read More
Not Again! Tame Your Fiercest Patterns
Not again! Despite your best efforts, your fiercest pattern has you in its claws. Your current relationship is turning out just like the last three, or your bank account is empty, or some other area of your life is in complete disarray. In that moment of grim recognition, your Inner Critic piles on the shame… Read More
Say Yes to Your Boundaries
“Name the action, criticize it, and tell them what to do with it.” The WomanStrength instructor makes this three-step model sound easy. “Your hand is on my shoulder. I don’t like it. Take it off.” Her voice is calm, matter-of-fact. One by one we practice around the circle, receiving our neighbor’s hand on our shoulder… Read More
Befriend Your Pain
Physical pain is often a result of trauma, both directly from the event itself and indirectly from ongoing tension. When we relate to pain as a friend bearing a message rather than an enemy to be feared, we can reduce the suffering we experience. Fighting pain We often view pain as an enemy to be… Read More
A Boundary-Nourishing Healer Search
Bodywork (such as massage, Reiki, or a variety of other modalities) can help you cope with and heal from PTSD. Caring touch from a trusted practitioner can help you calm anxiety, reconnect with your body, and gradually release frozen trauma memories. Bodywork can also be a trigger for anxiety, memories, and boundary issues. Finding providers… Read More
Meditation: Safe Space for Noticing
Traumatic events are overwhelming to body and spirit while they happen, and we often remain out of contact with our bodies afterwards. We dissociate, distract ourselves, or otherwise avoid noticing what is happening within. Meditation can create a safe space for re-establishing contact and gently noticing what is happening in the moment – even if… Read More
Needs Amnesty Day
Have you noticed the gauntlet a need has to pass through before it can be internally acknowledged, much less spoken aloud? We often require our needs to be: Reasonably sized Age-appropriate Achievable Approved by “Them”, also known as the internal committee Bearable – some needs trigger old pain Consistent with other needs and beliefs Justified… Read More
Flashbacks: Experience Distress in Safety
Peter spots his friend Hannah at a party. She has her back to him, so he touches her shoulder and greets her. Rather than turning and answering, she goes rigid for a few moments, then takes a deep breath and asks him not to touch her by surprise again. For Hannah, the unexpected touch triggered… Read More